June 13th, 2020

Tryna rain, tryna rain on the thunder
Tell the storm I'm new
I'm a wall, come and march on the regular
Painting white flags blue
Lord forgive me, I've been running
Running blind in truth
I'ma rain, I'ma rain on this bitter love
Tell the sweet I'm new
I'm telling these tears, go and fall away, fall away
May the last one burn into flames
Freedom
Freedom
I can't move
Freedom, cut me loose
Singin', freedom
Freedom 
Where are you?
'Cause I need freedom, too
I break chains all by myself
Won't let my freedom rot in hell
Hey! I'ma keep running
'Cause a winner don't quit on themselves


So I heard there’s this really crazy movie coming out. A racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, white supremacist is the president of the United States. Along the way he does everything in his power to use fear mongering to get folks all riled up, make them feel immigrants are bad people who should be put in cages, whether they are babies or adults, and puts them in concentration camp like settings. In these powder kegs children are drinking out of toilets and representing themselves in court, even if they’re two, while some are dying due to poor living conditions while being detained. 


This president in this movie convinces people he’s Christian and uses Jesus’ name to gain support. He is basically a dictator who is narcissistic and constantly shows off all his “accomplishments” because he needs his ass kissed in order to lead the country. His divisive rhetoric tares the country apart. He calls white supremacists “very fine people”....


Four years into this mans presidency, before it ends, a crazy deadly pandemic happens in China that will eventually spread to the rest of the world. He denies it exists and does nothing to prepare for it. Belittles it. Then it comes here and wipes out a big amount of the country and the world. He continuously tries to downplay it without taking responsibility and blaming any and everyone else that he can. He needs his ass kissed to give states the resources they desperately need to fight this pandemic. And despite all this he still has supporters who feed into conspiracy theories and demand the country reopen when we are forced to shut down and social distance. These people protest stay at home orders and he calls them “very good people”. 


Despite all this happening and the country and world facing enough trouble, as if the pandemic weren’t enough, we have four evil racist cops kill a black man after being accused of using a bad check in a grocery store. They get him in cuffs and one of the cops has him on the concrete ground with his knee on the mans neck shoving his face into the ground. The man is screaming in agony choking to death and the cop does this for ten minutes gleefully while people record him doing it. The three cops with him do nothing about it and just help this man be murdered....The cops lose their jobs but don’t get indicted or charged with murder until massive protests occur in the country and around the world. 


In this movie this causes mass hysteria and anger throughout the country. People start protesting despite being in the middle of a pandemic. People start rioting and being violent. Guns are being shot in the streets, police cars are set on fire, fireworks go off. Thousands of people are taking the streets. Basically a war starts. Stores and buildings get boarded up to prevent vandalization. The president has military tear gas and shoot peaceful protestors so he can go in front of a church and take a picture holding a bible upside down. He shows off all he’s done for Black people instead of making any type of statement about racism to try and show unity. He threatens military action causing more anger and frustration. His supporters pat him on the back and don’t hold him accountable and believe in more conspiracy theories where they think this all was just a plan to make him look bad and push a vaccine on everyone. It went from hospitals being war zones with patients turning into zombies left and right, to the streets being war zones with rioting and protesting happening. People can’t walk outside without knowing if they’re going to get hit by a bullet, get run over by a cop car driving through crowds, get killed by a cop, or by getting a deadly virus....


This movie will win every award in the world. Critics claim it’s so unbelievable, people were on the edge of their seats the entire time losing their minds, and had nightmares for days after watching it......Except...This is not a movie...It’s real life. And at this point who can decipher what’s real and what’s not anymore? 


The man who died. His name is George Floyd. He is not the first black person to die in this way. He is not the first person whose name we have to remember. This has been reoccurring since before there were cameras and social media to expose it. But once we had those things what did our country do about it? Absolutely nothing.


This has been going on for a good ten years. We had President Obama in the White House trying to take measures to do something about the racism and hatred but being that the house and senate was mostly ran by republicans he kept getting shot down. White people had the audacity to call him racist for trying to fight racism.


We have Trump who became president afterwards. When people would peacefully protest the national anthem by kneeling they were nothing but shitted on. The president called them “sons of bitches”....The amount of times they tried to peacefully protest they were silenced. Colin Kapernick was fired from the NFL for starting this movement. And the unjust murders kept reoccurring with nothing being done about it.


It got to the point where white people took advantage of the situation, knowing cops could be a deadly threat to blacks, they purposely would call the police on black people over and over again. Accusing them of things that were either lies or overly exaggerated. Doing it on purpose knowing this Black person very well might get killed the second the cops get there....


Fuck them. And fuck the police. I said it and I don’t care. Let me tell you something. I’m ashamed of being white. I’m ashamed of being Italian. I am ashamed. If that causes family or  friends to disown me guess what? I do not give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck at all. Italian New Yorkers are the minority in the state of NYC who are republican and are Trump supporters. 


They are the minority who are racist and ignore these issues. SHAME ON THEM. They forget their own history when their ancestors first came to America and they were treated like people of color. They need to start being allies to Black people and people of color. They need to stop being ignorant uneducated fools, they need to admit when Trump is wrong and get off his baby pacifier dick already. I’ve completely lost my patience. And this isn’t just Italian Americans in New York City. This is all white people who are just like them. Fuck you. People are in pain. They are tired. And you’re belittling them. You’re more concerned about the cops safety and gaslighting the issue. You are racist. 


I actually understand the rioting. I don’t condone it or wouldn’t participate in it. But I get it....You know why? Because people have tried everything. Every peaceful protest was shitted on. Too many people are being killed left and right unjustly and literally nothing is being done. It’s like the first time ever cops are getting arrested for this and it took all the rioting and violence for Minneapolis to do something. Why is that? Can anyone explain? Instead of condemning the protesters I think people need to start questioning why exactly it’s happening...I think people need to learn to stop being selfish mother fuckers and learn to be empathetic. You want people to be patriotic when the national anthem plays? Fuck patriotism. 


I think what disgusts me the most are the folks on social media who were silent through all the racism, all the unjust deaths, but feel the need to jump to the defense of police officers. They said nothing about black people facing these constant unjust deaths, they did not bat an eye. But came to the defense of police officers. Misinterpreting the entire situation, making it something it is not. They feel this is a war on police. They feel people are saying “ALL police are bad” and it’s truly nauseating. Nobody is fucking saying that. Not one person is saying that. And it’s unnecessary to come here and start crying about how “not all cops are bad”....


It’s like the people who don’t say anything about mass shootings when they happen but feel the need to inappropriately defend guns and owning guns when children were shot to death in a school. What is wrong with Americans? Why are we like this? And these people call themselves “Christians”. Yes because Jesus would support this type of behavior. Jesus would support a President tear gassing and shooting peaceful protestors in front of their own church, so he can have a photo op holding a bible upside down. Yes Jesus of all people who fought against these things would be okay with this....


I won’t ever explain that there are good cops out there. I won’t ever say they aren’t all bad. Because while those statements are true, they deflect from the point. There are clearly more bad cops than good and this is a serious problem. Maybe if we defund the police and put money towards education and mental health there will be less crime in the streets. The abuse of power and force is the issue and shame on anyone who doesn’t give a fuck about it. 


Enough is enough. I’m sorry between the pandemic and these protests getting wild and out of control, the world is getting exactly what it deserves right now. Literally. Do I like violent protests? No. Do I like corona virus? No. Do I think all cops are bad? No but fuck the police anyway because there seems to be more bad than good. The good cops need to come forward more and speak out about their shitty coworkers who they know damn well they work with. They need to stop being silent. Stop standing back and watching  and doing nothing as your coworker kills someone for no reason. 


I applaud the cops who do speak out about this. Who do kneel with protestors and who get it. But there aren’t enough of them I’m sorry. This is just sickening and disgusting. Other countries around the world are protesting for us. Risking their lives while facing this pandemic as well. That’s how bad it is here. It’s embarrassing. If this were a movie we are at the part right before people need to flee the country and seek asylum. We are turning into the handmaids tale for real....


I am proud of my coworkers who were front line workers, nurses who became soldiers, who went out and protested against police brutality. They put their lives on the line everyday and decided to fight for this movement. They gave me such inspiration that I felt so riled up to fight against this bull shit and decided to do the same. I honestly hate racism, bigotry, and ignorance more than covid 19. 


We were forced to be soldiers during covid and we now feel the power within us to go out there and also fight for our black brothers and sisters who have faced oppression for hundreds of years. We had to risk our lives every day being in front of the lines with this virus, as essential workers being on the trains, not being able to social distance at work. So we must risk our lives and join these protests and stand up for our black brothers and sisters, even if it means we are at double risk of getting corona. 


I went to the protests and I held a sign where one side quoted Madonna’s song “god control”. I wrote “EVERYONE KNOWS THE DAMN TRUTH! OUR NATION LIED, WE’VE LOST RESPECT every day they have a kind of victory. Blood of innocence spread everywhere! They say that we need love but we need more than this!” And underneath I wrote “BLACK LIVES MATTER!”. On the other side I wrote “HEALTHCARE HEROS SUPPORT BLACK LIVES MATTER!” “RACISM AND POLICE BRUTALITY ARE WORSE THAN COVID!” 


The protests were the highlight of 2020 for me. I needed it. It was the first time I felt unity in years, let alone weeks. There were people of all colors, sexual orientations, and walks of life. It was my first social gathering in months and it brought me out of the darkness I’ve been stuck in for so long. For once in my life I felt hope. I forgot what that felt like. The friends I went with are my family. It felt great to parade around the streets of New York chanting for equal rights screaming “black lives matter”. It felt good to also be educated on systematic racism that has taken place since the thirteenth amendment was implemented in 1865 to keep black people enslaved. It felt good to be educated on what “defund the police” actually means. I really need some of you to educate yourselves. 


With everything going on in this world I completely forgot that it was pride  month. I just want to ask the LGBT community to remember who fought for us. Please remember Marsha P. Johnson, a black trans woman who was brave enough to be a prominent hero during the stone wall riots in 1969... I ask you all to remember this because we have other oppressed groups who we need to stand in solidarity with this year more than ever. 


We must join forces with the Black Lives Matter movement during these horrific times. 
I have been almost killed, harassed, and tormented for being gay. However if I keep my mouth shut and don’t wear certain clothes I can hide it. I shouldn’t ever have to hide it but I can. 


Black people cannot hide being black. They cannot pretend to be something they are not. We must stand with them as they face these unjust deaths. I put these things on my dating profile on grindr and some racist asshole actually came to me and said I am a disgrace to my family because of my stance on black lives matter. He said I only care because I like black dick in my mouth and how ten white policemen died under Obama and no one cared. He also told me black people don’t care about me. Well fuck him because some of the only people who ever actually cared about me were black. Shame on him, a gay person of all people should know better. I will call you out on both your silence and your racism. 


I want pride month to be exclusive this year to any and everyone who has struggled with being proud of who they are. Please, despite the unjust killings, unjust pandemic, unjust world, please be proud of who you are. And be proud of any oppressed group who also may have struggled to be who they are in this society due to ignorant hateful people we have to walk amongst in this world. 


We must all stand up together. We must rise up above it all! 
To quote Madonna’s “I Rise”:


Freedoms what you choose to do with what’s been done to you. No one can hurt you now unless you allow them to! 


If there is no justice there will be no peace. If there is no justice there will be no rest. We need healing in this world but first we need change. I want to see change in my life time. I don’t want to see innocent children and adults keep dying cause of the color of their skin. Being black isn’t a disease like covid. Being black is beautiful and people are just jealous! Black lives matter! 


RIP to my grandma....

Songs that Inspired post:

Freedom Beyoncé:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhgmvXQJbbk

God Control Madonna: 
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv-sdTOw5cs